When it comes to sex therapy with couples, it’s essential for all involved to define and learn to redefine sex. Luckily, when couples come to see me for sex therapy (and frankly, it’s nearly impossible to practice comprehensive couples counseling without eventually exploring sexual dynamics), I often highlight how couples are set up for disconnection because of the linear sexual script they frequently follow. Instead, I teach them a circular model that expands their definitions of sex and eroticism.

It's been about 6 weeks and your OBGYN has given you the thumbs up to resume sex and other activities. You have mixed feelings about having sex again. Your partner has been mostly patient over the last few months, but also dropping hints about wanting to get it on again. Meanwhile, you cannot even fathom how there's anything sexy about you right now (sleepless and covered in spit up), yet there's still a part of you that misses the playful sex of yesteryear.

Think about which one of your positive sexual experience elements you want to and can realistically explore together to find your way back to each other. it really all begins by being intentional and prioritizing what you want for your relationship.

When couples come for counseling, more often than not, sex or lack of sex or not enough sex comes up. Some variation of these come up because for one, I will ask about it, and also because it is such a hot topic, fraught with layers of vulnerabilities that it's unavoidable. These discussions about sexual intimacy in couples counseling always lead me to introduce the Dual Control Model (DCM), as brilliantly summarized by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. in her book  "Come As You Are."